Rainy Sunday

It's a boring, rainy, dreary Sunday! I am SO ready for some sunshine and warm weather. Matt's working on his jeep in the garage...so I've just been trying to stay busy by cleaning, cooking and typing up recipes.

Yesterday for our treat meal we went Panera Bread for the first time and had some soup and sandwiches. Then some pastries for dessert:

Yes, I had a pumpkin muffin AND a strawberry scone! And we might've picked up some Girl Scout cookies on the way home....and just maybe I ate a couple...

So for some reason I always get in a baking mood on Sundays! Today I made some protein pumpkin muffins. All that was in the recipe was pumpkin, protein, eggs, and spices. Matt didn't like them(I don't think I baked them long enough so they were a little mushy on the inside), but I thought they tasted like pumpkin pie! So I just ate them all. :)

Squat Day

Have I ever said how much I love squats? Well, only heavy squats, that is. There's nothing better than the feeling after you finish a hard set of heavy squats-I love it!! Sometimes I think I would just like to be a powerlifter. Forget those met-cons!

Today's WOD was 5 sets of 3 squats. I'm still pretty sore from heavy deadlifts a few days ago...of course, with CrossFit it seems like I'm always sore! I ended up with 3 sets of 185lbs, which I'm satisfied with. My squats were pretty strong before I started CrossFit, but that was only going down to parallel, not a full squat. So my weakness is in the bottom position of the squat and my hip and glute strength.

Well, it's finally FRIDAY!!!!!!!!! Tonight we're having tacos and then tomorrow is my cheat meal! Yay! :) Even though I have had a few "cheats" already this week. I bought a box of chocolates at the grocery store the other day because they were on sale, so I have to admit that I did have a few pieces here and there...so what?? ;) I love boxed chocolates.... I'd be satisfied if I could just live off of cereal, Baked Doritos, and chocolate for the rest of my life! Oh-and peanut butter. :)

Keeping Track

For the last year or so I've been keeping track of my protein intake on a dry erase board on my fridge. I started this just to see how much protein I was taking in each day in my quest for building muscle, and then it just became a habit and I've been doing it ever since.

I would also mark off how many grains, fruits, dairy, and vegetable servings I had throughout the day. I started this just to make sure I was getting in enough of all the food groups....then it turned into a way of tracking these things to make sure I wasn't getting TOO much(particularly grains and fruits) when I started my quest to get a six pack(dumbest thing ever).

This did help me for awhile. I've always been the type of person who likes to have everything planned out, and I make lists for every little thing! It's just my personality. But I've decided that now that I know what and how much to eat to get in the protein that I need each day, I don't need to keep track of it anymore! I'm going to ditch the dry erase board!

So I haven't written down my food on the board for the past 2 days. There were a couple of times I went to the board out of habit to write something down and then stopped myself. However, I'm still keeping track in my head- I'll have my 2 fruits a day, try to get a vegetable in with most meals, and keep my grains low on rest days and a little higher on workout days(I like the whole carb cycling thing-works for me!). But there's no need to write it down and keep track of it all!

I usually recommend keeping track of your food intake when you're first trying to lose weight just to see what needs to be changed about your diet; to make sure you're getting in enough of the right kinds of food or that you're not eating too much. When I first started eating healthy, I would make lists of healthy meals and snack ideas and healthy foods that I needed to be eating. And this really helped me in the beginning.

BUT I'm at the point where I've been doing this for so long that I just don't need to do that anymore! I'm NOT trying to lose weight or get any leaner-I just want to maintain and build muscle. I know what to eat and what not to eat. And if I stray from that, it is okay! If I want a banana, I'm going to eat a freakin' banana, even if it's a "low carb" day! If I want a piece of chocolate, I'm going to eat a piece of chocolate! Just like I did before I started the whole, "let's see if I can get a 6 pack thing" last year.

I have abandoned the quest for a 6 pack because I have accepted that it is just not possible for me to have bulging abs without having an extremely low body fat %, as is the case for most women. Right now my abs DO show somewhat-it's not a 6 pack, there is a layer of fat covering my abs, my stomach is a little "soft"-but I am fine with that. The look I'm going for is healthy, fit and athletic, and I think that's what I have!

Peace

More Food Obsession Thoughts

So I've been thinking lately about my "OCD" with food. Yes, part of it is liking how I look being lean...but that's only half of it. Maybe not even half. The other part of why I seem to be getting a little too obsessive about food is the fear that I'm damaging my body by eating foods that aren't good for me. I have this huge fear of getting heart disease or cancer or having a stroke or alzheimer's disease when I'm older!

I read a lot of blogs(many are paleo blogs), and I work with people who are all about the paleo diet, as I've mentioned before. I've been feeling almost guilty lately about eating certain things that they say are so bad for me....But I read so many different things, different opinions, conflicting information...and it just boggles my mind and causes me to constantly worry!

Like I feel like everything I eat is bad for me now in some way or another! Chicken breast is good for you right? Well, not if it's not grass fed, free range chicken. Low fat cottage cheese and skim milk is healthy right? Nope, dairy products aren't good for you. Protein shakes are a good way to get in more protein, which is healthy, right? Nope, whey isn't good for you either, and they have artificial sweeteners in them. Fruits are definitely good for you, right? Well, no, not if you eat too many-fructose spikes your insulin and makes you fat. Peanut butter is a healthy snack, right? Nope-legumes are bad for you! Fruit and vegetables are healthy...but only if they're organic! See what I mean?????

I'm in a constant battle inside my head, thinking that I'm damaging my body by eating grains and dairy and peanut butter and protein shakes...but then my husband tells me that I'm getting too obsessive and strict with my eating.

So today I came across a couple of blogs that talked about exactly what I'm going through right now! It's good to know that I'm not the only one who gets obsessive about food!

One of the blogs I came across is this one: http://niashanks.com/blog/Processed+Food+Confusion/

And this is exactly what I needed to hear today:

"Everything is relative and it all comes down to you discovering and doing what works best for you. If you want to follow a Paleo, vegan, vegetarian, low carb, high carb, low fat, nutrient timing, carb cycling, intermittent fasting, or any other diet method, then that’s fine. Just do what works for you and whatever makes you happy and improves your health. No single method will appeal to everyone."

And here's another blog that discusses "clean eating" and how it can cause an obsession:
http://jcdfitness.com/2010/09/clean-eating-is-a-scam-and-why-you-should-abandon-it/ And yeah, this comment he makes:"Someone out there right now is worrying incessantly about whether or not to have some melted cheese on their chicken and rice. No joke – it’s happening." Yup...that is me he's talking about, sadly to say!

I have to do what works for me to keep me stress and anxiety free. Because ultimately, having anxiety from worrying about everything I eat is not good for my health, either!

PB m&ms!

Have I ever mentioned how much I love peanut butter and chocolate??? I mean, who doesn't?

I picked up a bag of these the other day at the store: They are one of the best treats EVER. Definitely not something you can just have a few of and stop! (At least, not for me!!) I had them today for dessert after my treat meal of homemade mac and cheese! It was heaven. :)

Food OCD

http://fortheloveofcookies.wordpress.com/2011/02/17/women-and-leanness-the-debate-and-ugly-truths/

A post I can relate to in many ways.


I'm not super super lean, and I have never "dieted" for a competition(nor will I EVER), but I will admit that I have become a little OCD with food in the last year. I've changed the way I eat a LOT, and I've gotten leaner. And I can definitely see that when you get really lean, it's like you're never satisfied-you only want to get leaner and leaner. The leaner you are, the more obsessive you become. You become so critical of yourself. You point out all the little places where you still have fat to lose, even just the tiniest bit.

And I know it's not just me. Anyone who is very lean has to work really hard for it. Being that lean does not come easy for most women. It's a little easier for me than most because I have a pretty fast metabolism. But I still have to work for it.


I do sometimes miss the days when I didn't think so much about every little thing I put into my mouth-the days when I wasn't scared to eat fruit if it wasn't a workout day or to have something "bad", even if it wasn't a planned cheat. Now it's all about high carb days/low carb days, and eating carbs only at certain times. I can get a little crazy with it!


And why? I want to be as healthy as I can be. But the thing is, I DON'T want to be totally ripped and shredded. That look just doesn't look good on me, and I know that! I like where I'm at right now as far as my bodyfat. I want to gain more muscle, but not get any leaner. Yeah, I would love for my abs to show a little more, but with my body type that's just where I store my fat. So in order to get my abs to show, I'd have to get leaner all over. And I don't want that.

Here's a picture of me 6 years ago, when I pretty much ate whatever I wanted. I didn't eat junk food or fast food all the time, but I didn't eat anywhere close to the way I do now. My abs didn't really show much, but I kind of like the way I looked with more fat!And this is me from last year, when I first started cutting back on carbs. My stomach is a little leaner than the pic above, but I think I just look scrawny. I have more muscle than this pic shows, too, I swear! LOL. But I don't want to get any leaner than this.

I'm a perfectionist-have been my whole life. It's hard for me to focus on the good about myself-I just see the skinny legs, the fat on my upper back and my love handles....I have to accept that I will never be perfect! From here on out, my strength and performance is going to be my main priority, not my looks! I'm going to loosen up on my diet just a little and see what happens. If I gain some fat, who really cares? I have muscle that I love, and I am fit, healthy and strong!

Kelly

Kelly just about killed me today!

"Kelly":
Five rounds for time of:
Run 400 meters
30 Box jumps, 24 inch box
30 Wall ball shots, 20 pound ball

It was 40 minutes of pure torture. I used a 22 inch box because that's all there was at the gym, and I subbed 15lb dumbbell thrusters for the wall balls. It sucked!

Annie

Today we're supposed to be getting a record high of 74 degrees. YEAH! But it sure is windy out there! Too bad this weather isn't here to stay. I'm sure it's just a tease. :( But not too much longer to go until Spring gets here!


Today's WOD: Annie=50-40-30-20-10 reps of double unders and situps.

I actually did pretty good on the double unders, surprisingly! The situps were the hard part for me.


So I bought some almond butter the other day for the first time...And it's definintely my new favorite thing! Had it with an apple yesterday, and today on a piece of Ezekiel bread. SO good. :)

Running and Paleo Rant

Reasons I will never be a runner:

1. I HATE it. Have I mentioned that before?
2. There are much better ways to stay in shape.
3. Almost every person I see jogging on the sidewalk looks like skin and bones!

Anyways.........so pretty much all of the people that I work with are now on the "Paleo" diet. All I hear about is Paleo. What I just don't like about the Paleo diet is they believe it's the ONLY and the best way to be healthy and fit. And I'm just not convinced that's true.

For example, the mediterranean diet is supposedly one of the healthiest diets, and it does include whole grains and legumes, which the Paleo diet tells you to completely eliminate. Also unlike the Paleo diet, it doesn't include lots of meat, especially red meat. So how do we really know what's best?

What both diets do have in common is NO processed foods, eating healthy fats like fish and olive oil, and lots of vegetables.I think that's the key. Exercise, eat less grains (make the grains you do eat be unprocessed, whole grains), eat healthy fats, fresh fruits and lots of veggies! CUT OUT the processed food. I think that is really the most important thing.

You have vegetarians and vegans who absolutely think that their diet is the best and healthiest, and then you also have the people who do the Raw diet, and they feel that their diet is the healthiest...You have those who believe that it's not good to very much meat, and then those who believe that you should eat a lot of meat...there is SO much conflicting information out there! I think something is good for me, then I read something saying it's not, then I read something else again that says it is-it drives me CRAZY!

I think you have to just figure out what works best for you, and what you can commit to forever without feeling like you are restricting yourself from all the foods you enjoy.

I like to do things my own way. I don't like to be told I need to eat a certain way. Yeah, I will admit that I am stubborn. Right now I'm happy with how I look, I'm healthy, and I feel good. But I have read a lot about how flour and gluten is not really good for you, so I've been cutting back on those things. I don't eat regular bread or cereal anymore at all(unless it's a treat!).

But I am still going to include oats and Ezekiel bread in my diet. This works for me, and I don't feel the need to change. Maybe one day I will, but for now I'm sticking with this. Plus, I like to do things gradually. Right now I'm getting used to eating WAY less grains than I used to, and maybe eventually I'll eliminate them completely. But this is what works best for me, rather than doing some "food challenge" or going cold turkey!

V-day!

5 years ago today, my husband proposed to me and made me the happiest girl in the world! Thank God for giving me such an amazing husband. :)

Valentine's Weekend

I arrived at work Friday afternoon to find a beautiful bouquet of flowers on my desk from my husband! I love them. :) Along with this cute note: Is my husband not the cutest thing ever??? I love him!

Saturday morning we went to Max Fit(the gym I work at) to work out. Well, it ended up being a horrible morning. It started out with me wanting to do a few muscle ups before the WOD. Well, I couldn't even get ONE muscle up. I was SO mad and frustrated. I have done these so many times before!

So I just stopped trying and did the WOD, which was 15 pullups and 30 second ring L-sits, as many rounds as possible in 15 minutes. Well, my kipping pullups were horrible. I just couldn't get the rhythm. I was actually on the verge of tears the whole workout because my body just wasn't doing what my mind was telling it to! I felt weak and tired and it sucked. I was so down on myself. I hate when I can't do something well! But I didn't quit, I didn't give up. I suffered through it.

I had an off day, so what? I can't beat myself up over it. We all have those days every now and then.

But anyway, the day did get better. We had our cheat meal at Cheddars-that place is so good! Then for dessert we had the cake that I had made for my husband earlier in the day. It was a cinnamon cake with cream cheese frosting. Yummy!

Today's WOD was 7 sets of one rep of the clean and jerk. Yay! Something I'm good at! I definitely needed a strength day after yesterday's crappy workout.

I did the WOD and then also did a few sets of heavy squats and bench presses. I just felt like I really needed that to feel better after yesterday. And lifting heavy always makes me feel good!

Love This Shirt!

Once a Bodybuilder, Always a Bodybuilder?

I was totally not feeling the WOD today. I felt tired and really just didn't feel like doing it! My heart definitely wasn't in it-I was just going through the motions. But at least I did it.

Last night I started missing my bodybuilding workouts again....just a little bit......I know, I know, I have officially broken up with bodybuilding. I'm a CrossFitter now. But sometimes I think, once a bodybuilder, always a bodybuilder!

But I've committed myself to CrossFit, and I do love it...but sometimes I wish I could somehow have the best of both worlds!

WOD=5K

Those who've been reading my blog for a while know that I despise running. I absolutely hate it-always have, always will. My body was made for speed, not endurance!

One of the first CrossFit workouts I did was run a 5k. Even though I didn't want to do it at all, I sucked it up and did it....and it was absolute torture. Every second. I hated it, and didn't want to ever have to to that again!

Well, guess what today's WOD was? Yup, run a 5k. How FUN.

So, of course, I really didn't want to do this WOD today...but did want to see if I have improved since the first time. Well, this time was MUCH easier, and I did it about 3 minutes faster than last time! I didn't have to stop and walk at all!

As much as I hated doing it, it does make me feel good knowing that I'm getting better. I have no desire to be a runner whatsoever, but I do want to improve in all areas of fitness, and not just be good at one or two things.

HSPUs

I just realized I hit one of my 2010 goals! 5 handstand pushups! I practice these everyday. I'm a little obsessed! Each week, I want to try to get one more rep.

Good Article

Here's a good post about what NOT to do if you're trying to lose weight:


http://www.paleochronicles.com/2011/02/so-you-want-to-lose-some-weight.html

Weekend Recap

Monday already. :( Boo.

We didn't do anything too exciting over the weekend. Went to the movies Saturday to see Sanctum, which was pretty good, but kind of sad. Too many people died!

Sunday started off with the WOD, Karen: 150 wall balls. What fun!

I didn't want to drive all the way out to where I work to do it, but I didn't want to tear up the walls at the gym my husband manages...so I decided to just do it outside at my husband's gym, since it's just right across the street from us.

The temperature was somewhere in the 30s, and my hands were almost numb the whole time! But I did feel kind of hard core. LOL. It took me about 15 minutes to do the workout. I'm sure I looked like a lunatic to the people inside the gym! But, what's new?

Then of course, it was the Super Bowl, so we used that as an excuse to order pizza! We had Papa John's, which I haven't had in I don't even know how long. And of course, I ate way too much. So only protein and veggies for me today!

I was rooting for the Packers, so I was glad to see them win! Yes, I watched the entire game because I actually really LIKE watching football. I get so into games, especially when it's a close game like last night. I turn into a crazy person!

Sad

So this is gonna be a more serious post than the ones I've posted lately...I just want to get out my feelings and get this off my chest. It's always helped me deal with things by writing about them and just venting. Getting it out usually makes me feel a little better. Sorry, it may be a long one.

I worry about my little brother, Jesse. It's a constant weight on my heart; a sadness that just won't go away. He's on my mind every day. It's hard to see my little baby brother do the things that he's doing. He used to be my little "buddy", who was always there hanging out with my sister and me and our friends, and now...now it's like he's just not that same person anymore. I miss my little brother!

I went through this same thing with my sister. After Dad died, she got pretty bad into drugs. That was really hard for me. She was my best friend all my life-the only one I could cry with and talk to about anything...and then I lost her. She wasn't the same person at all anymore. I felt like I had lost my sister and my best friend. Things are much better now, but we still don't have the close relationship that we had growing up. I didn't ever think I would have to go through the same thing with my little brother.

There's 8 years between Jesse and me, and I have always been protective of him. I would've tried to do anything to protect him from everything bad in this world. I have prayed since he was a baby for God to have His hand on Jesse's life and to keep him from drugs, smoking, drinking. I never would've thought my sweet little innocent baby brother would be doing the things he's doing now. It's hard to see that.

I know that he's just really lost in this world right now. Everything changed when Dad died. Jesse rejected God and now doesn't even believe in Him at all. I begged and begged him to come to church with us so many times, but he never would. I guess he was mad at God for taking his Dad away from him.

I tried to be there for him after Dad died. I wanted Matt and I to be a positive influence in his life. I wanted him to look up to Matt as a role model. I wanted that SO bad because Jesse had no one else....but it just didn't work out that way. The first year after Dad died, we hung out with Jesse and took him places with us all the time, and him and Matt got along really well. Then all of a sudden it seemed he just started pushing us away. He stopped wanting to hang out with us.

Then he started getting really mean and angry. And he's been that way ever since. Now we're not really close anymore at all. I've tried to get him to hang out and do stuff with us, but he never wants to. I mostly just see him at family functions. And now I'm just tired of trying.

It's so hard to go from having your little brother with you all the time, being so close, being your best bud, to having him reject you. I didn't want things to end up like this. A part of me feels sorry for him for all that he's been through at such a young age. Things probably would've ended up a lot different if Dad were still alive. I know that he's really hurting inside, and maybe being mean and angry is his way of dealing with his pain.

But then sometimes I get angry. I'm mad that he's doing the things that he's doing. I'm mad that he can be so mean to me sometimes. I'm mad that he doesn't try to honor Dad by doing the things he would want him to do. I'm mad that he's rejected God and won't even give it a chance to see how much better his life would be with Him in it.

But most of the time I'm just sad. And sometimes I feel like I've failed him. I wanted to be an example to him, but he chose not to follow it, so maybe I did something wrong. Maybe I went about things the wrong way, didn't say or do the right things, or maybe I was too hard on him at times. Maybe I just have to accept that this is just a phase that all teenagers go through, and that he'll get through it and be okay in the end...

I just want him to be happy. I don't want him to to be filled with hate and anger and bitterness. I want him to have the joy and the hope that I have. I just don't really know what to do anymore. I've done all that I can. I guess now I just have to continue praying for him because it's all I can do.

I hope that one day he'll figure things out. I hope that we'll be close again and be friends like we used to. I hope to have my little brother back one day.

Burpee pullups

WOD: 100 burpee pullups-WHAT??

Yeah. Done at a Globo Gym no less. AND it was freakin' packed. Got some weird looks, I'm sure.

Time: 20:04 (Bar was not a foot above my max reach as prescribed, but I had to make do with what I had!)

A Few of My Favorite Things

I'm just bored...so here are a few of the things that I'm loving right now(not in any particular order):

1. Coffee(which I have a cup of right now)
2. Apple Pie Lara bars-so yummy! Just had 1/2 of one :) 3. Krema Natural crunchy peanut butter. I can't even explain how good it is.... 4. Chocolate peanut butter protein oats-new fave breakfast!
5. Warm, fuzzy knee high socks. I wear them every day when I'm at home!
6.Chapstick-can't go without it, especially in the winter!
7.Bath and Bodywork's Forever Sunshine lotion-smells wonderful!
8.Fridays(which is today-YAY!!!)
9. CrossFit, DUH!
10.Harlen Coben novels-Just read "The Woods". I love mysteries!