Lindsay's Ramblings

Gosh, I have so much to write about that I don't even know where to begin. As much as it scares me, I think it's time to talk about what's going on in my life lately...and what's been going on is that I'm dating someone. There. I said it. I said it.  Bring on the hate and judgement. Ohhh, life. Life. is. just. weird. You never know what it's going to bring. If you would have told me a year ago today that I would be dating someone, I would have told you you were crazy. Actually I would have been angry and disgusted at the thought. But our lives often don't turn out the way we have them planned in our minds. Mine sure didn't. I thought that Matt and I had the rest of our lives before us, that we would grow old together. I never thought about the possibility that there would be an alternate ending than the one I envisioned in my mind. The one of us being 80, still holding hands, still being happy and in love, laughing together and enjoying each othe

People say that time heals, that it gets better. I'm not sure it's really gotten better yet, but it is changing. It's hard to explain if you haven't been through it, but I'll try.  Grief is a lonely road.   Because even if you have support, you know that no one truly "gets" it or can understand how much you miss them or how hard it is.  I guess I could say that now I don't dwell on the grief and on what I lost as much. I needed to do that for a while, I needed to be sad...but now I want to be over it. Not over Matt, but over feeling sad. I want to be happy. I'm still trying to find how to do that now, without him here.  The grief  now has has turned more into this constant, unsettled, anxious feeling. I do have less bad days, and I have more glimpses of happiness and hope for the future than I once did, which I'm thankful for, but I still miss that feeling of peace and contentment I once had. That feeling is gone, and it just feels weird