We had an easy, relaxing week last week as he recovered, even though we were anxious to get the pathology results back. I did go in to work, since Matt's parents were here to be with Matt, which really helped.
I tried really hard last week not to think about the results but to just live in the moment and take it one day at a time, not worrying or thinking too much about what was to come. I wasn't always successful at that, but one thing that helped was that I made a focused effort to live in the present, enjoy every moment, and to be thankful for each day's blessings. Things like:
Getting in a workout at the gym...
Or at home in the front yard...
Taking a walk through the park...
And walking our boy...
These things may seem like nothing...just normal, day to day, mundane things to most. But to me, they're blessings. I've always been one to be thankful and to live in the moment as much as I can, but when dealing with something like this...you savor these moments even more. I'm just so thankful that we got the MRI scheduled sooner and that we caught this thing before it was too late.
Well, the day finally came to meet with the doctors and find out the test results. They confirmed what we had originally been told that first night in the hospital-that the tumor is a Grade IV glioblastoma multiforme(GBM).
Even though I was somewhat prepared for this, it was obviously not what we wanted to hear. We were hoping and praying that it would NOT be this. This type of tumor is very aggressive and complicated ...and just to put it bluntly, the prognosis is usually not good.
The next step from here is to target the remaining tumor on the brain stem, so Matt will most likely be doing radiation in the next week or so. He has one more test on Friday, which will determine if he needs chemotherapy or just the radiation.
Needless to say, the past couple of days have been emotionally exhausting for Matt and I. This is the kind of news that turns your world upside down, that you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy. I still feel like everything has happened so quickly that I'm almost in a state of shock. Like, this really can't be happening. Surely, I'm going to wake up and realize that this was all just a nightmare...
Right now my emotions fluctuate from hour to hour, minute to minute. One minute I'm fine, the next I'm not. At this point, I've realized that I can't let myself think too far ahead, because that is when the panic and the bad thoughts come.The only way I can cope is to just live in the present moment and take it one day at a time. That's all I can do.
And pray.
Pray.
And pray some more.
This is not something anyone wants to go through-it's not what I want to go through, and it's not what I want to see my husband go through. But I will cling to my faith in my God, who I know is good, who I know is loving and faithful, who I know is powerful and mighty and strong-stronger than cancer, and who I know can work miracles. We're going to put our complete hope and trust in Him.
I know that His grace and strength will get us through this, one day at a time.
Love and hugs...and above all...Prayer!
ReplyDeleteSending love, hugs and prayers your way for you're husband and your family. You are doing all you can do at this point, praying and taking it one day at a time, living in the moment and cherishing it. As with any difficult and hard situation, the only way to get through it is Day to day, hour by hour, minute by minute. Just like in sports, hard workouts are taken rep by rep, set by set. It can be overwhelming and daunting to look down a long and dreary road and know it's the path. It's hard to think you will ever reach the other side of it.... how will you get through it?? One step at a time, that's how. I do hope things will get easier and that treatments go better than expected. Miracles happen every single day. Hold tight to your beliefs and know you have many who are rallying around you and your husband during this time...
ReplyDeleteYes. One step at a time. Thank you
Deleteif there is any comfort at all that we can give you - let it be that you know and feel in your heart the love we all have for you two. Let your hearts know that there are literally hundreds of people praying for you both... let your hearts know that our love and prayers are for you everyday - that you both are never far from our thoughts. And most importantly let your hearts know, and feel, the presence of our loving Lord in your lives right now.
ReplyDeleteThank you. It really means so much to have all of the support, love, and encouragement from all of you.
DeleteLindsay, I have followed your blog for at least 3 years now and have been so impressed by your grace, strength and commitment to your health and family. I will keep you in my prayers in California and wish for you peace during this difficult time. As a complete stranger I can only offer these words of encouragement and respect, but I appreciate your candor and the love that you have for your husband.
ReplyDeleteThank you. Your support and encouragement means so much.
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