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Honesty

Please keep me in your prayers. I'm still struggling. I'm still in pain. This life is hard. I am not stronger because of this-I am weaker. I know this is not what people want to hear, but it's true. Don't forget us widows. I would not wish this life on anyone.


Grief changes you. Changes your brain. Makes you scared. Makes you not trust yourself. Trying to live this life and make sense of things and figure out how to move forward and be happy again while not forgetting the past...it's just exhausting. 


I want and am ready to move forward and love again. I truly am. I want to be happy again. I've accepted that I'll never again have what Matt and I had. I am okay with that. What we had was special and unique to us. But... I want my fairy tale ending. Is that wrong? Is that possible? Is that just not my destiny? Why was that taken from me? We had something good. It's hard to accept that I may not get the ending that I want, that my love story happened already and is over...should I still hope or just accept that this is the life I've been given to live and try to be okay with that? But I don't want to be. I know I am better with someone else. 


I know people can be happy being single and alone, but it's hard not to think that living that life is for me would be subpar compared to what I had and knowing how happy I could and can be. And the thing is, I have SO much to give. I want to love and serve someone. That's what my marriage taught me-that I enjoy loving and giving and serving someone who gives me the same back in return. I know I have to wait and trust God and His timing, but its hard. I know it hasn't been long, but this is so hard. I have realized that I want a family. I want to be loved again, fully and completely. I want that again.


I'm just being totally open and honest here with ya'll. 

Comments

  1. Dawn ClarkMay 14, 2020 at 11:30 AM

    As awful as it sounds after the breakup,about 6 months ago now,I made friends with a man just so I would have someone to do man things for me. (Yes,exactly what you're thinking.) I like him. He's exactly the type of man I'm attracted to but I get a lot of grief for him being signficantly younger and not being serious about him. (He's not serious about me either.) I know you losing Matt and me ending a relationship with a verbally and emotionally abusive guy is not the same but I sort of get it. I feel so closed off right now. I don't want to be with anyone in terms of relationship and marriage. I just want someone who I can have fun with,hang out with and binge watch Outlander with. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  2. VirginiaMay 14, 2020 at 7:03 PM

    I am so sorry you're still hurting so much, but grief IS such a brutal journey and it's such a long road. I am still praying for you as you navigate through this.

    ReplyDelete
  3. FlorenceJune 5, 2021 at 2:00 PM


    I started on COPD Herbal treatment from Ultimate Health Home, the treatment worked incredibly for my lungs condition. I used the herbal treatment for almost 4 months, it reversed my COPD. My severe shortness of breath, dry cough, chest tightness gradually disappeared. Reach Ultimate Health Home via their website www.ultimatelifeclinic.com . I can breath much better and It feels comfortable!

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