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Just Think Positive?

I am guilty of being one of those "toxic positivity" people before Matt died. You know," Just fix your mindset and you'll be happy!" "If you're anxious or depressed, you just need to pray and be more thankful!" I realize now that's it's not like that. People don't always CHOOSE to be sad or have anxiety or depression. Yes, sometimes it CAN be a mindset thing, and we should absolutely pray and have gratitude. But that doesn't just "fix" things.



When Matt died, people constantly tried to cheer me up, or "fix" me, when I didn't WANT to be fixed. My heart and soul had just been ripped out of my body, and I wanted to be SAD. I NEEDED to be sad, I NEEDED to feel the pain and the grief, as much and as long as I needed to. I wasn't purposely choosing to be sad. After a few months of it, I was over it. I was so tired of being sad, but I couldn't help it.

I did things that brought me joy, I tried to focus on the positive and be grateful for all I had...I prayed and prayed...but I was still sad. I had many happy moments...but I was still sad. I would genuinely laugh at times...and then still cry myself to sleep that same night.

Depression is a real thing. Anxiety is a real thing. Grief is a real thing. Toxic positivity does NOT help. It just makes you feel like how you feel doesn't matter, that you have to pretend, that you can't talk about how you feel. What does help? Listening. Validating someone's feelings. Telling them you care and that it's okay to be sad.

I am better than I was 2 years ago, a year ago...but I'm still often sad. I used to get frustrated with myself for having those sad/down days. Because I'm supposed to be happy by now, right? It's been over 2 years...I shouldn't feel this way still, right? I have a new man in my life... everything should be FINE right?? Um, no. I learned that beating myself up about how I was feeling didn't make it any better. It was when I started accepting it and letting myself FEEL what I felt and accepting that this is a part of my life now, that I started feeling "better". I let myself feel it, remind myself that it will pass, and I cry it out. I don't beat myself up about it. I tell myself it's OKAY.

Because there ARE things I get sad about. I've gone through a lot in the last few years! There are times I just want to cry. But at the same time, there are SO many things that make me happy and so many things that make me smile!

They say that social media is everyone's "highlight reel." But I don't want that to be that person who only shares the good. I will always be real. And sometimes things are just hard and sad.




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