Skip to main content

Parenting is Hard!

 Hiiii y'all! It's been a while...anyone still out there in the good ol' blogspot world???? I know I'm so behind the times, but I still like having this blog as a way to look back on things throughout the years.

Life's been pretty busy lately, but good! Having 3 kids 50% of the time definitely keeps things interesting! I have to give you parents out there props, because raising kids is HARDDDD. 

Lately I have just been so hard on myself about the whole "stepmom" thing. I put a lot of pressure on myself, sometimes unnecessarily I feel like.  But I just care for these kids who are under my roof and want the best for them! I feel like it's gotten harder instead of easier as time has gone on. It's just a lot, especially being thrown into it so quickly and going from no kids and a quiet house all the time...to lots of noise and chaos! 

It's making food and snacks, and setting rules and having structure, and planning fun things, and cleaning up constantly and breaking up fighting and bickering...I wouldn't trade it for anything, but it is exhausting. And it's just a constant battle in my mind, wanting to be fun and have them like me, to thinking I'm being too hard on them, or not hard enough. It's a lot of mental stress and guilt and that wears on you! 


I just have to remind myself that I'm doing my best,and pray for God to help me and give me strength! In the end, I hope they will look back see that I always had good intentions and that I everything I did was in love. I guess that is true of all kids with their parents. The days are long, but the years are short!

So it's June...my favorite month. NOT. I can definitely tell the death anniversary is approaching. I have more griefy moments and my mind often flashes back to those last few weeks.  I'm never certain how I'll actually feel on that specific day. I may be okay, I may cry on and off the whole day, who knows.

So here are some pics from life lately...we just had Ava's 10th birthday party, which was DONUT themed! I think it turned out so cute!




Damon and I went kayaking the other weekend and it was very fun and relaxing! I so wish we had a pool or a boat, so that I could be in the sun and water every weekend!







Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

People always said That time would heal the pain But how can that be When mine still remains? The tears still fall At just the thought of you So I know that what they say Just can't be true As the years go by I miss you so much still  No matter how much time passes I know I always will How are you not here To ease my hurting heart? Never could I have imagined We would ever be apart My world has been shattered A piece of me is gone And all I can do is pray For strength to live on I know that one day soon I will see you again I just have to try to suffer through And make it until then
6 comments
Read more

Putting My Heart Out There

Hey guys. Here's where we're at right now: Matt finished his radiation treatments last week. Did they help? I don't know. He's sleeping a lot more. Having trouble chewing and swallowing. Not eating much. Not talking much, at least not in full sentences. It's just been a slow, steady decline for the last few months. I think it was really too late for radiation....But who knows, maybe it is delaying things. We went in last Tuesday for his infusion and talked with his neuro-oncologist about everything that we've been seeing with Matt, and he decided that we're at the point now where we should discontinue treatments...I feel like it's the right decision, even though it breaks my heart knowing that there is nothing else we can do. But I feel like we've done everything. All the supplements, the diet, the chemo, the radiation... Matt has fought hard. He never gave up hope. He kept the faith. He never complained through any of this. Not once did I hea...
240 comments
Read more

One Year...

One year ago today... the day it all changed. It was a Tuesday. I got the call from Matt around 3:00. I remember I was sitting at the computer at home. Matt told me that he was at the hospital, and that Bob Scott, his boss, had driven him there. Then he said those 4 words I never expected to hear: “The tumor came back.”  My heart stopped. Matt had gone in that morning for an MRI, as he has done numerous times in the past 10 years. He was now at the point where he had an MRI just yearly now, and that one was done in February, which showed that everything was fine. There was no sign of tumor growth, which had been the case for the last 10 years, praise God. But because Matt had been having some seizure activity for the last few months, they suggested he go in for another MRI in July. We then decided we should move up the appointment, because he had been having a headache every day for the past week. Good thing we did.... After I hung up with Matt,  I immediately brok...
70 comments
Read more