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Old & New

 Since Matt died 4 years ago, my life has been divided into the before and the after, into my "old" life and my "new" life.

I loved my life then.
I love my life now.
Because I choose to.

Do I miss things about my old life? Absolutely. But I'm grateful for what I have now, and I choose to embrace the life God has given me.

There are so many things I miss about my old life, but there are things I love even more about my "new" life.

Matt and I had no children. We had our little routine, just us, in our happy little bubble together. The house was peaceful and quiet alllll the time. Evenings were spent snuggled on the couch, weekends were date nights, hikes, and Jeep rides with Asher. I loved everything about it and would have changed NOTHING. 

This new life...is far from peaceful and quiet. 🤣 I now have 3 kids under my care with my boyfriend 50% of the time. It's loud and chaotic and BUSY. It's running all over the place to get to practices and games. It's kid movies, game nights, and brushing teeth, and bedtime stories, and making snacks. Always making snacks lol.

Whereas Matt and I were homebodies who just stuck to ourselves and didn't ever hang out with other friends or couples, and usually went out to the same restaurants (usually pizza!) over and over again, Damon and I are always trying new restaurants and hanging with friends. Never did I ever think that this would be my life!

I'll say it a million times-the only certainty in life is change. Life wasn't ever promised to be fair. I could forever wallow in my misery and continue to ask, "Why me?" Or I can choose to embrace the path I've been given and try my best to make the best of it. 

There are times when the guilt creeps back in...when I feel guilty for living this life and having all that I have...and enjoying it with someone else. It just doesn't seem right, because Matt was supposed to be it, my first and my last. I hate it.... but I also know I can't do anything about it and that continuing to be miserable and not enjoy life won't bring him back to me or change anything. My life didn't stop when his did...I had to keep living on. And I'm just truly thankful to be where I am now

Comments

  1. AnonymousOctober 27, 2023 at 2:18 AM

    This is so true. Your life doesn't stop because the person you loved is no longer here. You pick up the pieces, and keep living & and if God allows, hopefully find someone else to love. You fulfilled your vows, "Till death do you part." That love will always be special.
    Thank You

    ReplyDelete

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