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Grief these days...thought flow

How grief looks these days...

always staying busy
running, running, running...
...work and kids and sports and fun...
In the midst of all the chaos and busyness I can almost forget the grief is there.
But there's still just a feeling,
a sadness that hits me at times... and I know it's the grief, bubbling at the surface.
I push it down, stay distracted...
tell myself to think about how great my life is,
hoping maybe that will make it go away. But it doesn't.
It may be just a fleeting thought, a flashback, a memory...
sometimes just a quick pang in my chest
there and then gone the next second.

There are many good days...
and then there are the soul crushing days
when you still ask yourself, why? How?
How is he really gone?
How have I made it this far?
Why?
Just why?
I miss him
I need him...
my soul hurts from the missing.

But I don't want to think about it
I want to ignore it,
I want to pretend it isn't there
push it down...

It's in the silence when I feel it most
when I'm not distracted...
when my thoughts wander...
they always go back to him.
You can only push it away for so long
until you have to acknowledge it and feel it,
even when you think you shouldn't have to or don't want to anymore.
That's when I know I have to let it wash over me,
let the tears fall...cry it away...

And then...
you carry on.

Comments

  1. BelinAugust 1, 2025 at 2:56 AM

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