Skip to main content

Life Update

 Hey there, my 5 blog readers! 

Figured I'd write a little life post on here, if nothing but for a life diary update for myself in the future...

If you follow me on the socials, then you know we got a puppy back in February! She's a rescue dog-part Australian shepherd and part who knows what lol. She's a cutie, but mannnn, I forgot how hard puppies are! It's been pretty stressful and overwhelming, I'm not gonna lie. It's just a lot more work with having kids to also take care of and a busy schedule! I may have had a few regrets about this decision, but all we can do is roll with it now! She's a good girl...just VERY high energy and VERY vocal! We have a lot of work to do with leash reactivity. But she is a great snuggler!









We had about a month off from sports for the summer-it seems like summer break just flew by! But I guess it always does! The kids went to Florida with their mom and then with us again a couple months later. It was a good beach trip, but next time we won't go as far south, so we can have an extra day at the BEACH instead of in a car! We went to Treasure Island and met up with some of the kid's friends who were down there as well, so they had a great time. The weather was perfect! 

Well, mentally, I've been okay, I guess you can say. Sometimes I just feel like my mind will never really be "right" again. I still have a lot of grief...I still have this constant sense of uncertainty...the stress of parenting "step-kids"... honestly, sometimes I feel like I may be low-key depressed and probably need to go to a therapist! I know I have been putting it off and just get caught up in the distractions and busy-ness of work and life and kids that sometimes I neglect what I need for my mental health. 

These are some thoughts I wrote out the other day: 

Sometimes I wish I could feel that pure happiness feeling... But then I remember that's not going to happen this side of heaven. 

And maybe I have to learn to live with being okay with that. 

It's just hard for me, because I've always been a "happy" person. I like happy!


But maybe that's part of what I'm supposed to learn through all of this. Maybe I'm supposed to learn that life isn't always about being happy. 


Maybe it's about making space for pain and grief and sorrow to exist in my heart. Maybe it's learning to be okay with knowing that I will always feel a little sad...and not getting frustrated or annoyed with myself for feeling "griefy" or down sometimes. Maybe it's accepting that this is WHO I AM now.


Maybe it's okay to not be happy all the time in this lifetime...maybe it's about clinging to your faith and the hope that you have in Jesus, and in Heaven...even when life is hard and your heart is full of sorrow.


Maybe it's about finding joy in HIM alone, rather than chasing after "happiness". Maybe not feeling happy all the time forces you to rely on God and not on your feelings and emotions.


Maybe the pain and sorrow of this life, the stumbling through, our hearts being battered and bruised will just make the JOY of heaven that much greater. So we keep our hope in that, we keep our eyes on Jesus, we keep leaning on Him and pointing others to Him, until the day He wipes the tears from our eyes and the pain from our hearts. 


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Putting My Heart Out There

Hey guys. Here's where we're at right now: Matt finished his radiation treatments last week. Did they help? I don't know. He's sleeping a lot more. Having trouble chewing and swallowing. Not eating much. Not talking much, at least not in full sentences. It's just been a slow, steady decline for the last few months. I think it was really too late for radiation....But who knows, maybe it is delaying things. We went in last Tuesday for his infusion and talked with his neuro-oncologist about everything that we've been seeing with Matt, and he decided that we're at the point now where we should discontinue treatments...I feel like it's the right decision, even though it breaks my heart knowing that there is nothing else we can do. But I feel like we've done everything. All the supplements, the diet, the chemo, the radiation... Matt has fought hard. He never gave up hope. He kept the faith. He never complained through any of this. Not once did I hea...
280 comments
Read more
People always said That time would heal the pain But how can that be When mine still remains? The tears still fall At just the thought of you So I know that what they say Just can't be true As the years go by I miss you so much still  No matter how much time passes I know I always will How are you not here To ease my hurting heart? Never could I have imagined We would ever be apart My world has been shattered A piece of me is gone And all I can do is pray For strength to live on I know that one day soon I will see you again I just have to try to suffer through And make it until then
10 comments
Read more

One Year...

One year ago today... the day it all changed. It was a Tuesday. I got the call from Matt around 3:00. I remember I was sitting at the computer at home. Matt told me that he was at the hospital, and that Bob Scott, his boss, had driven him there. Then he said those 4 words I never expected to hear: “The tumor came back.”  My heart stopped. Matt had gone in that morning for an MRI, as he has done numerous times in the past 10 years. He was now at the point where he had an MRI just yearly now, and that one was done in February, which showed that everything was fine. There was no sign of tumor growth, which had been the case for the last 10 years, praise God. But because Matt had been having some seizure activity for the last few months, they suggested he go in for another MRI in July. We then decided we should move up the appointment, because he had been having a headache every day for the past week. Good thing we did.... After I hung up with Matt,  I immediately brok...
73 comments
Read more