Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined that I would one day be a "stepmom", helping to raise three kids that aren't my own.
It's funny how we plan and envision our lives a certain way...never thinking that they could be turned upside down and end up nothing like what we had planned in our minds.
It just goes to show, you can make your plans, but ultimately you gotta just roll with whatever happens in life, live in the moment, and be up for anything...because your whole entire life can completely change in an instant. All your plans, your goals for the future...up in flames...gone...in a blink. And then you're left starting from scratch, staring at this blank future, this whole new world in front of you that you don't even know how to navigate...
And then...God led me to Damon, this man with three kids that I fell in love with. I had NO idea what I was doing, or what I was getting myself into, but here I am, six years later...watching those three little kids grow into tweens and then teenagers... It has been a wild ride and definitely one of the hardest things I've ever done! I really love those kids, though(even when they stress me out and drive me crazy!)...and I just hope and pray that I've impacted their lives in a positive way.
Here are a few things I have learned in the last 6+ years about being a step parent:
You have to let go of being in control...and I don't like that. But with stepchildren, you HAVE to be able to let go of control sometimes. There are last minute schedule changes, co-parenting issues, and another household you have to work with, which is NOT always easy. It is HARD to accept that there are things you just have to be okay with, no matter how you feel about it. You have to focus on what you CAN control and then just let go of what you can't...otherwise you'll be miserable and stressed alll the time.
Sometimes it's best to keep your mouth shut. This is something I struggle with and didn't even know it until I started dating a man with kids! Around 12 years old, kids suddenly become know-it-alls and want to argue and have the last word. And you know what? Sometimes you just gotta let them. Going around in circles and trying to reason with a child is just not worth it. As someone who likes to talk things out and prove my point, it took me a while to figure that out!
Pick your battles. This goes along with the point above. Some things just aren't worth the argument! You've got to learn what things to let go of and let slide, and what things ARE actually worth addressing. It's a learned skill, for sure!
You have to have a thick skin when it comes to kids! Kids can be mean. They will say things and do things that will hurt you...but you can't let it get to you. Kids often say things they don't mean in the moment, they'll give you attitude every now and then, and they'll probably hurt your feelings. Especially when you hear things like, "I like it better at Mom's house!" It never fails to feel like a dagger through your heart.
You must be able to give an abundant amount of grace to yourself. Being a stepmom is a hard and under-appreciated job. You sometimes feel misunderstood, undervalued, and like you're walking on eggshells in your own home. You'll often feel frustrated, stressed, overwhelmed, and mentally exhausted by it all. You'll mess up, you'll overreact, and you'll say things you shouldn't have said...you'll over analyze and overthink...you'll exhaust yourself constantly doing all the things for everyone, wondering if it's even noticed or seen. And you'll have to constantly remind yourself that you're HUMAN, that you have emotions, that it's okay to mess up, and that you're NOT failing. It's just a LOT. You're doing your best, you're pouring out love and giving all of yourself to those kids. Give yourself grace.
Be okay with being villainized and misunderstood. I used to HATE not being liked, or being misunderstood by others. In the last few years, however, I have learned that not everyone is going to like you. Not everyone is going to be willing to see things from your perspective, they're not going to "get" you, and sometimes they just simply won't like you. And that's okay. You'll often be the scapegoat to blame things on. You have to accept that's just the way it is and not let it affect your wellbeing. Don't let it dim your light! I know my heart and that the kids love me, and at the end of that day, that is ALL that matters to me.
Kids will humble you, teach you, test your patience, and also fill you with so much love and joy. They'll reveal things you need to work on within yourself. They'll teach you forgiveness and grace. They'll teach you how to love unconditionally. They'll teach you to be present and to appreciate the small things. They'll teach you how fast time flies. They'll teach you how to be selfless, and how to put another's wellbeing above your own. They'll frustrate you and annoy the crap of out of you, they'll also make you smile and laugh and cry! They'll teach you that you're capable of more than you ever thought you were.
Comments
Post a Comment