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The way things used to be...

Had a talk last night with my husband about how lately I've been getting these sad feelings every now and then, which is just out of the ordinary for me.....

Sometimes I'll be driving to work(that's usually when it happens), and I get this feeling of sadness. I just don't know WHY! I have no reason to be sad-I am so blessed and thankful for everything I have and for what God has done for me. SO thankful.

I just start getting nostalgic, I guess you could say...thinking about how much I miss being a kid...I mean, I had such a great childhood, and I miss those times so much! I miss when my family was "normal"(somewhat! lol), before my parents got divorced and then my dad died...so much has changed recently, and sometimes I don't even feel like I have a family.

My little brother is 17, and all grown up now-he used to be my little buddy, and now it seems like he could care less to be around me at all! My sister, who was my best friend all my life, who I could laugh with, cry with, talk to about anything with, really changed after my dad died. She went through a phase of using drugs...and she's just different now. I hardly ever see her anymore. And I miss our old house...

Guess I just miss old times, that's all. Things change, and I've ALWAYs had a hard time with change. I have a tendancy to get stuck on the past...

But anyway....I am soo thankful that I can talk to my husband about anything! That is HUGE for me because ALL my life, I never opened up to ANYONE, especially not a guy! I was so guarded; would never show emotion; couldn't talk about my feelings....but now it has all changed with him!

He is the one person I can open up to, the one person I can be vulnerable with, the one person I will let myself CRY in front of!! I grew up always trying be so strong-I would never let someone see me cry; I would hold it in; couldn't be seen as weak...but it's nice now not to have to be like that! I am grateful for that and love my husband sooooo much!!!! :)

Comments

  1. TheFitnessFreakFebruary 5, 2010 at 11:09 AM

    Don't miss out on the wonderful life you have now by living or wishing for the past. True, the past made us who we are but enjoying who you are now is so much more fun : )
    I'm very guarded too and it has been difficult for me because of that. I just recently started seeing a counselor and it has helped so much. I have been carrying around so much guilt and sadness that I wasn't even aware of. The best thing is that my counselor just happens to be a Christian, yay! That really helps too.
    I'll keep you in my prayers Lindsay. Take care,

    Nicole

    ReplyDelete
  2. LindsayFebruary 5, 2010 at 1:00 PM

    Thanks, Nicole!
    I have gotten soo much better in the past few years with cherishing every moment and living in the PRESENT, not the past. I don't want to take anything for granted because I learned my lesson from doing that in the past! And I won't do it again. But I still have those moments when I just really miss the "good old days"!

    ReplyDelete

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