Just some thoughts for the next man who loves me....
It will take a very special and strong, confident, patient, and understanding person to be with me.
I know it may be strange, loving someone who also loves another man...and always will love another man. But that's the way it has to be, and you have to accept it.
A part of my heart will always ache for and miss my husband. But that doesn't mean that I can't love you, too. You have to be confident in that. Still loving him doesn't mean that I can't love you.
I will have times when I get emotional or when a grief waves hit me, and I need you to be there for me through it, not get scared or pull away. That's when I need to you to listen and let me cry it out, not try to "fix" me or make it go away. Just hold me and let me feel what I feel.
Things will remind me of him, at random times, and I might space out or get "weird" out of the blue. That's when I need you to just take my hand and wait for it to pass, or let me walk away and have my space for a second.
I need to feel like I can talk about him, and I want to be able to talk about him around you.
He will always be a part of my life, and I will never pretend as if he didn't exist. He is as much a part of me as anything in my life that has shaped me and made me who I am today, the person you love. I don't want to erase him from my past or pretend like he didn't exist. I won't do that. If you can't deal with that, you can't be in my life.
Be patient with me. I may need to take things slow. I may freak out if things move too fast, because I have so many conflicting emotions, because this wasn't supposed to be my life. While I do want to move forward and love again, the thought of letting myself be happy again or get comfortable with someone is terrifying, because there's a chance I could lose it all again.
You are not competing with him. I do not compare you to him. Yes, what we had was amazing and so special, but you are different, and I love you for you. This is a new chapter for me. I am not trying to replace him, because no one ever could.
I have so much love in my heart to give, and going through what I went through only makes me more appreciative, more grateful of life and love and joy and the simple things that bring happiness in life. When you bring me those moments of happiness, I don't take it for granted. I feel it so much more and soak it in... because there was a time when I thought I would never feel that again.
It will take a very special and strong, confident, patient, and understanding person to be with me.
I know it may be strange, loving someone who also loves another man...and always will love another man. But that's the way it has to be, and you have to accept it.
A part of my heart will always ache for and miss my husband. But that doesn't mean that I can't love you, too. You have to be confident in that. Still loving him doesn't mean that I can't love you.
I will have times when I get emotional or when a grief waves hit me, and I need you to be there for me through it, not get scared or pull away. That's when I need to you to listen and let me cry it out, not try to "fix" me or make it go away. Just hold me and let me feel what I feel.
Things will remind me of him, at random times, and I might space out or get "weird" out of the blue. That's when I need you to just take my hand and wait for it to pass, or let me walk away and have my space for a second.
I need to feel like I can talk about him, and I want to be able to talk about him around you.
He will always be a part of my life, and I will never pretend as if he didn't exist. He is as much a part of me as anything in my life that has shaped me and made me who I am today, the person you love. I don't want to erase him from my past or pretend like he didn't exist. I won't do that. If you can't deal with that, you can't be in my life.
Be patient with me. I may need to take things slow. I may freak out if things move too fast, because I have so many conflicting emotions, because this wasn't supposed to be my life. While I do want to move forward and love again, the thought of letting myself be happy again or get comfortable with someone is terrifying, because there's a chance I could lose it all again.
You are not competing with him. I do not compare you to him. Yes, what we had was amazing and so special, but you are different, and I love you for you. This is a new chapter for me. I am not trying to replace him, because no one ever could.
I have so much love in my heart to give, and going through what I went through only makes me more appreciative, more grateful of life and love and joy and the simple things that bring happiness in life. When you bring me those moments of happiness, I don't take it for granted. I feel it so much more and soak it in... because there was a time when I thought I would never feel that again.
There's a great quote from the show Designing Women where one of the main characters is talking to her friend's love interest about his guilt over losing his wife. She tells him that when she started to fall for another man she felt guilty but it was the man she was falling for her told her,"You keep all the pictures and memories of your husband that you want because I don't think I could fall in love with a woman who stopped loving her husband just because he died." In my mind I take that to mean that love lives on! That no matter where our loved ones are we still love them and they still love us. Matt loves you so much Lindsay. That's why he would want you to be happy and any man who would,or could,expect you to forget Matt after all the years of love and companionship you've shared is not worth your time! I hope this doesn't offend you but I think that's 100% accurate. Love doesn't die just because someone is no longer with us. Love lives. It changes and if a person expects you to forget the life you created with Matt,if a man expects you to give that us,and just move on they don't deserve you. Matt has a piece of your heart,and soul,and you have a piece of his. It lives on with you and no one who truly loves you should expect you to give that up!
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