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Why?

Why?

Why do I care so much? 

Why do I make sure they brush their teeth at night so that they don't get cavities?

Why do I spend my own money to buy them clothes, toys and decorate their rooms, among other things? 

Why do I do 5,000 loads of laundry a week to make sure they have clothes to wear to school?

Why do I make sure they go to church on Sundays so that they'll be raised to know about Jesus?

Why do I try to give them chores and responsibilities so that they will turn out to be decent human beings?

Why do I read them a bedtime story at night, even when I'm exhausted?

Why do I clean up after them constantly and cook for them and try to always have healthy snacks and food on hand?

Why do I go to their sports games and practices, just to feel like the odd man out standing there awkwardly with their bio mom?

Why do I give 100% of myself and make so many sacrifices for children I didn't birth?

Only to be insulted and told hurtful things? To be made to feel like I'm "less than" because I didn't carry a child in my body? 

Why?

For THEM. I do it for them. For their smiles, for their well-being, for their happiness. I do it because I know that it even though I may not see it now, it matters. I do it knowing that it will not be praised or acknowledged, knowing that at the end of the day I am just a "step" mom and have no say in any decisions. Knowing that for some people, it will never be good enough and that I'll always be seen as the "bad guy". I do it because this is the role in which God has placed me in right now.

It is hard. It is exhausting. It is confusing. It is chaotic. It is stressful. It is definitely not the life I ever thought I would be living. But at the end of the day, I know who I am. I know my heart. I know I am trying my best. I know that I will make mistakes, but that I am not malicious or unkind to anyone. And most importantly,  I know how those kids feel about me, and that is what I will try my best  to stay focused on.  I hope to say that at the end of the day, it will all be worth it. That I will have made a difference in 3 little children's lives. 

Comments

  1. Just wanted to stop-by and say hi.. and let you know that yours is probably one of the more, if not THE, honest blogs i ever read. I hope you keep writing. Have a great day !

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