Skip to main content

3 years

Today is the three year anniversary of the death of my dad. I miss him so much. When he died, it felt like a piece of me was gone, too, and it still feels like that.

I wish I could see him and talk with him and laugh with him again...it makes me sad that if I have kids some day they'll never know their grandpa...

It hurts me the most when I think of my little brother growing up without a dad. Everytime I think back to the day he died I most remember right after he passed, my brother just saying, "no, no, no, no, no". It still breaks my heart thinking about it.... My brother was only 13 when my dad died-I can't imagine going through that at 13 years old.

I guess time does heal the pain...I think about my dad every day still, but at least I don't think about the day of his death like I used to. When he died, I just couldn't get the picture of him in the hospital out of my head for the first few months....I can handle thinking about the memories with him, but I just hate thinking about being in the hospital that day and watching him die. Today has made me think of that day again, and that's what really gets to me.

It's the worst thing in the world to watch the life drain out of someone. To see someone who was so strong suddenly age so quickly and become so weak.

It's something I never want to go through again.

At first I did question God and ask him why this had to happen-I think that's natural. But He was there with me through it all. He gave me peace, comfort and the strength to get through it.

My little brother was so young and didn't really have a faith in God yet, so after my dad died I guess he just stopped believing. I remember him asking me when my dad was in the hospital, "if God can heal him, then why won't he?" I didn't have an answer to that.

I try to get him to go to church with me, but he refuses. I pray for him all the time...I guess that's all I can do.

One day I'll see my dad again. I'm only sad because I miss him....I know that in Heaven he is much happier than he was here. He's home.

I can't wait til I finally make it home!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

People always said That time would heal the pain But how can that be When mine still remains? The tears still fall At just the thought of you So I know that what they say Just can't be true As the years go by I miss you so much still  No matter how much time passes I know I always will How are you not here To ease my hurting heart? Never could I have imagined We would ever be apart My world has been shattered A piece of me is gone And all I can do is pray For strength to live on I know that one day soon I will see you again I just have to try to suffer through And make it until then
5 comments
Read more

Putting My Heart Out There

Hey guys. Here's where we're at right now: Matt finished his radiation treatments last week. Did they help? I don't know. He's sleeping a lot more. Having trouble chewing and swallowing. Not eating much. Not talking much, at least not in full sentences. It's just been a slow, steady decline for the last few months. I think it was really too late for radiation....But who knows, maybe it is delaying things. We went in last Tuesday for his infusion and talked with his neuro-oncologist about everything that we've been seeing with Matt, and he decided that we're at the point now where we should discontinue treatments...I feel like it's the right decision, even though it breaks my heart knowing that there is nothing else we can do. But I feel like we've done everything. All the supplements, the diet, the chemo, the radiation... Matt has fought hard. He never gave up hope. He kept the faith. He never complained through any of this. Not once did I hea...
238 comments
Read more

Why?

Why? Why do I care so much?  Why do I make sure they brush their teeth at night so that they don't get cavities? Why do I spend my own money to buy them clothes, toys and decorate their rooms, among other things?  Why do I do 5,000 loads of laundry a week to make sure they have clothes to wear to school? Why do I make sure they go to church on Sundays so that they'll be raised to know about Jesus? Why do I try to give them chores and responsibilities so that they will turn out to be decent human beings? Why do I read them a bedtime story at night, even when I'm exhausted? Why do I clean up after them constantly and cook for them and try to always have healthy snacks and food on hand? Why do I go to their sports games and practices, just to feel like the odd man out standing there awkwardly with their bio mom? Why do I give 100% of myself and make so many sacrifices for children I didn't birth? Only to be insulted and told hurtful things? To be made to feel like I'm ...
5 comments
Read more