A post I can relate to in many ways.
I'm not super super lean, and I have never "dieted" for a competition(nor will I EVER), but I will admit that I have become a little OCD with food in the last year. I've changed the way I eat a LOT, and I've gotten leaner. And I can definitely see that when you get really lean, it's like you're never satisfied-you only want to get leaner and leaner. The leaner you are, the more obsessive you become. You become so critical of yourself. You point out all the little places where you still have fat to lose, even just the tiniest bit.
And I know it's not just me. Anyone who is very lean has to work really hard for it. Being that lean does not come easy for most women. It's a little easier for me than most because I have a pretty fast metabolism. But I still have to work for it.
I do sometimes miss the days when I didn't think so much about every little thing I put into my mouth-the days when I wasn't scared to eat fruit if it wasn't a workout day or to have something "bad", even if it wasn't a planned cheat. Now it's all about high carb days/low carb days, and eating carbs only at certain times. I can get a little crazy with it!
And why? I want to be as healthy as I can be. But the thing is, I DON'T want to be totally ripped and shredded. That look just doesn't look good on me, and I know that! I like where I'm at right now as far as my bodyfat. I want to gain more muscle, but not get any leaner. Yeah, I would love for my abs to show a little more, but with my body type that's just where I store my fat. So in order to get my abs to show, I'd have to get leaner all over. And I don't want that.
Here's a picture of me 6 years ago, when I pretty much ate whatever I wanted. I didn't eat junk food or fast food all the time, but I didn't eat anywhere close to the way I do now. My abs didn't really show much, but I kind of like the way I looked with more fat!And this is me from last year, when I first started cutting back on carbs. My stomach is a little leaner than the pic above, but I think I just look scrawny. I have more muscle than this pic shows, too, I swear! LOL. But I don't want to get any leaner than this.
I'm a perfectionist-have been my whole life. It's hard for me to focus on the good about myself-I just see the skinny legs, the fat on my upper back and my love handles....I have to accept that I will never be perfect! From here on out, my strength and performance is going to be my main priority, not my looks! I'm going to loosen up on my diet just a little and see what happens. If I gain some fat, who really cares? I have muscle that I love, and I am fit, healthy and strong!