Don't Know What To Do...

Just need to vent.

My little brother stopped by today to get in the pool. It's the first time I've seen him in a few months, and as it always does, the conversation steered to life. And as always, it ended with him leaving and me feeling sad and depressed.

All Jesse ever says is how he doesn't care about anything, that nothing really matters, and that he only cares about himself. I don't know if he really feels this way or if he just uses it as a defense mechanism. I really hope he doesn't truly not care about anything or any body, because that's a horrible way to live.

Every time we have a conversation like this, I feel like it got nowhere. I feel like I didn't say the right things, that I didn't give him any good advice, and that I just came across as judgemental and that I think I'm better than him.

He always says something like, "Oh, you're so perfect, Lindsay, you're so much better than me." And I don't want that to be the impression he gets from what I say...because I don't think that at all. I just don't know what to say that will get through to him. Maybe it comes out wrong, or maybe he just takes it the wrong way, I don't know.

I only want him to be happy and make something of his not be so mean...and I just can't get him to see that. He just thinks I'm judging him. I always end up wishing I had not said something or that I'd said something different.

It just makes me feel sad and frustrated and a little hurt by things he says every time I talk to him. I always think it's gonna get better and that maybe he's changed a little, but it never happens. :(


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