It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas!

My Christmas decorations are finished! My house looks sooo pretty, if I do say so myself. :) Love this time of year!

So in other news.... I weighed myself after last week's horrible eating-and my weight was DOWN! What the heck??

This week I'm going to start my "muscle gaining" diet plan. Well, it's not really a diet plan because I'm just not a "follow a diet" person, but I am going to start tracking my calories to make sure I'm getting about 2300-2500 a day consistently. That's the only way these muscles will GROW! I'm glad I get to have more carbs, even if my abs do disappear for a few months... It will be worth it when I have lots of new muscle to reveal, or so I HOPE. ;)

Today is a rest day. Yesterday was overhead press day for strength, and then I did the CrossFit WOD "Nate", which is 20 minutes as many rounds as possible of: 2 muscle ups, 4 handstand pushups, and 8 kettlebell swings(I used a 40lb kb). I ended up with 8 rounds. Towards the end I was starting to fail on the muscle ups. They look so easy to do, but they take so much out of you! I am definitely feeling it today.

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Putting My Heart Out There

Hey guys. Here's where we're at right now: Matt finished his radiation treatments last week. Did they help? I don't know. He's sleeping a lot more. Having trouble chewing and swallowing. Not eating much. Not talking much, at least not in full sentences. It's just been a slow, steady decline for the last few months. I think it was really too late for radiation....But who knows, maybe it is delaying things. We went in last Tuesday for his infusion and talked with his neuro-oncologist about everything that we've been seeing with Matt, and he decided that we're at the point now where we should discontinue treatments...I feel like it's the right decision, even though it breaks my heart knowing that there is nothing else we can do. But I feel like we've done everything. All the supplements, the diet, the chemo, the radiation... Matt has fought hard. He never gave up hope. He kept the faith. He never complained through any of this. Not once did I hea

People always said That time would heal the pain But how can that be When mine still remains? The tears still fall At just the thought of you So I know that what they say Just can't be true As the years go by I miss you so much still No matter how much time passes I know I always will How are you not here To ease my hurting heart? Never could I have imagined We would ever be apart My world has been shattered A piece of me is gone And all I can do is pray For strength to live on I know that one day soon I will see you again I just have to try to suffer through And make it until then

Why?

Why? Why do I care so much? Why do I make sure they brush their teeth at night so that they don't get cavities? Why do I spend my own money to buy them clothes, toys and decorate their rooms, among other things? Why do I do 5,000 loads of laundry a week to make sure they have clothes to wear to school? Why do I make sure they go to church on Sundays so that they'll be raised to know about Jesus? Why do I try to give them chores and responsibilities so that they will turn out to be decent human beings? Why do I read them a bedtime story at night, even when I'm exhausted? Why do I clean up after them constantly and cook for them and try to always have healthy snacks and food on hand? Why do I go to their sports games and practices, just to feel like the odd man out standing there awkwardly with their bio mom? Why do I give 100% of myself and make so many sacrifices for children I didn't birth? Only to be insulted and told hurtful things? To be made to feel like I'm

Lindsay's Ramblings

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