I am so blessed and filled with so much joy every day. I have more than I could ever ask for-namely, my wonderful husband and a job that I love. I always try to focus on the positive and be grateful for everything that I have and not dwell on the negative things in my life.
But even though I push it away most of the time, there are times when I think about certain things that make me sad. Last night I heard the song, "My Grown Up Christmas List", and it got me thinking about some of those things. :(
I started thinking about how much fun my brother and sister and I had growing up; how much laughter there was...and now...we rarely see each other and that happiness we had together is gone. I miss it. But ever since my dad passed away, my family hasn't been the same. Everything went downhill.
I haven't seen my brother's joyful smile in years....and the goofy, funny sister I once had seems to have disappeared. Instead, joy has been replaced with depression and/or anger in the both of them. I only hope that time will heal the pain, but things have not seemed to get any better after 5 years.
My grown up christmas list is to have the happiness, joy, laughter, and closeness with my brother and sister that we once had. I want us to hang out and have fun together like we used to. I want them to feel the love and peace that comes from God and having a relationship with him. My faith is the only reason why I am able to have joy and peace through all of this, and not depression, anxiety, or anger over what has happened. He gives me JOY, HOPE, and PEACE beyond understanding. I pray that one day they will have that, too.