Skip to main content

My Grown Up Christmas List


I am so blessed and filled with so much joy every day. I have more than I could ever ask for-namely, my wonderful husband and a job that I love. I always try to focus on the positive and be grateful for everything that I have and not dwell on the negative things in my life.

But even though I push it away most of the time, there are times when I think about certain things that make me sad. Last night I heard the song, "My Grown Up Christmas List", and it got me thinking about some of those things. :(

I started thinking about how much fun my brother and sister and I had growing up; how much laughter there was...and now...we rarely see each other and that happiness we had together is gone. I miss it. But ever since my dad passed away, my family hasn't been the same. Everything went downhill.

I haven't seen my brother's joyful smile in years....and the goofy, funny sister I once had seems to have disappeared. Instead, joy has been replaced with depression and/or anger in the both of them. I only hope that time will heal the pain, but things have not seemed to get any better after 5 years.

My grown up christmas list is to have the happiness, joy, laughter, and closeness with my brother and sister that we once had. I want us to hang out and have fun together like we used to. I want them to feel the love and peace that comes from God and having a relationship with him. My faith is the only reason why I am able to have joy and peace through all of this, and not depression, anxiety, or anger over what has happened. He gives me JOY, HOPE, and PEACE beyond understanding. I pray that one day they will have that, too.

Comments

  1. DreamingofArnoldDecember 2, 2011 at 1:54 PM

    May you get all you wish for!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Krystal BlueDecember 7, 2011 at 12:41 PM

    Aww! That's so sweet! God is always listening! It may take some time but I believe you will get that one day :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. LindsayDecember 8, 2011 at 9:45 AM

    Thanks Krystal-I can only keep hoping and praying. :)

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

People always said That time would heal the pain But how can that be When mine still remains? The tears still fall At just the thought of you So I know that what they say Just can't be true As the years go by I miss you so much still  No matter how much time passes I know I always will How are you not here To ease my hurting heart? Never could I have imagined We would ever be apart My world has been shattered A piece of me is gone And all I can do is pray For strength to live on I know that one day soon I will see you again I just have to try to suffer through And make it until then
5 comments
Read more

Putting My Heart Out There

Hey guys. Here's where we're at right now: Matt finished his radiation treatments last week. Did they help? I don't know. He's sleeping a lot more. Having trouble chewing and swallowing. Not eating much. Not talking much, at least not in full sentences. It's just been a slow, steady decline for the last few months. I think it was really too late for radiation....But who knows, maybe it is delaying things. We went in last Tuesday for his infusion and talked with his neuro-oncologist about everything that we've been seeing with Matt, and he decided that we're at the point now where we should discontinue treatments...I feel like it's the right decision, even though it breaks my heart knowing that there is nothing else we can do. But I feel like we've done everything. All the supplements, the diet, the chemo, the radiation... Matt has fought hard. He never gave up hope. He kept the faith. He never complained through any of this. Not once did I hea...
238 comments
Read more

Why?

Why? Why do I care so much?  Why do I make sure they brush their teeth at night so that they don't get cavities? Why do I spend my own money to buy them clothes, toys and decorate their rooms, among other things?  Why do I do 5,000 loads of laundry a week to make sure they have clothes to wear to school? Why do I make sure they go to church on Sundays so that they'll be raised to know about Jesus? Why do I try to give them chores and responsibilities so that they will turn out to be decent human beings? Why do I read them a bedtime story at night, even when I'm exhausted? Why do I clean up after them constantly and cook for them and try to always have healthy snacks and food on hand? Why do I go to their sports games and practices, just to feel like the odd man out standing there awkwardly with their bio mom? Why do I give 100% of myself and make so many sacrifices for children I didn't birth? Only to be insulted and told hurtful things? To be made to feel like I'm ...
5 comments
Read more