Here's where we're at right now: Matt finished his radiation treatments last week. Did they help? I don't know. He's sleeping a lot more. Having trouble chewing and swallowing. Not eating much. Not talking much, at least not in full sentences. It's just been a slow, steady decline for the last few months. I think it was really too late for radiation....But who knows, maybe it is delaying things.
We went in last Tuesday for his infusion and talked with his neuro-oncologist about everything that we've been seeing with Matt, and he decided that we're at the point now where we should discontinue treatments...I feel like it's the right decision, even though it breaks my heart knowing that there is nothing else we can do. But I feel like we've done everything. All the supplements, the diet, the chemo, the radiation...
Matt has fought hard. He never gave up hope. He kept the faith. He never complained through any of this. Not once did I hear him …
It was a Tuesday. I got the call from Matt around 3:00. I remember I was sitting at the computer at home. Matt told me that he was at the hospital, and that Bob Scott, his boss, had driven him there. Then he said those 4 words I never expected to hear: “The tumor came back.”
My heart stopped.
Matt had gone in that morning for an MRI, as he has done numerous times in the past 10 years. He was now at the point where he had an MRI just yearly now, and that one was done in February, which showed that everything was fine. There was no sign of tumor growth, which had been the case for the last 10 years, praise God. But because Matt had been having some seizure activity for the last few months, they suggested he go in for another MRI in July. We then decided we should move up the appointment, because he had been having a headache every day for the past week. Good thing we did.... After I hung up with Matt, I immediately broke down. I think after tha…
Gosh, I have so much to write about that I don't even know where to begin.
As much as it scares me, I think it's time to talk about what's going on in my life lately...and what's been going on is that I'm dating someone. There. I said it. I said it. Bring on the hate and judgement.
Ohhh, life.
Life. is. just. weird. You never know what it's going to bring. If you would have told me a year ago today that I would be dating someone, I would have told you you were crazy. Actually I would have been angry and disgusted at the thought.
But our lives often don't turn out the way we have them planned in our minds. Mine sure didn't. I thought that Matt and I had the rest of our lives before us, that we would grow old together. I never thought about the possibility that there would be an alternate ending than the one I envisioned in my mind. The one of us being 80, still holding hands, still being happy and in love, laughing together and enjoying each other's…
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