"It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not."
I'm not afraid to admit that I struggle with self confidence at times. I mean, most of the time I am confident in myself(or I can fake it pretty well if not!!)...but when it comes to doing something out of my comfort zone, something I've never done before, something I'm not good at... I'm instantly filled with self doubt and insecurity. The negative voice inside takes over, blocking out everything else, which only leads to anxiety, worry and fear. The inner pessimist comes out, and I begin to think about all the "what ifs", compare myself to others, and worry about what other people think of me.
I'm the type of person who likes to be the best at everything I do. I'm a perfectionist. I've always been that way. I wanted to get really good grades in school, I wanted to be the best player on my softball team, and I wanted to be the strongest in the weight room. I don't like trying new things and doing things that I'm not comfortable with or am not sure if I'll be good at. It's almost like I'm afraid to be confident in myself and then be let down when I don't do well, so I tend to aim low and stick to what I know I'm good at. I realize that this is NOT a good attitude and that I am only holding myself back!
This photoshoot I have coming up is way out of my comfort zone. There are times when I'm super excited about it...and other times when I just get this nauseaus feeling in the pit of my stomach when I think about it. Most people would maybe not think it's no big deal; I mean, it's just someone taking pictures of you, right?! Well, meeting new people, being in front of a camera, and having all eyes on me...that is terrifying to me! This is when my insecurities kick in. I'm afraid I won't look good or that I'll be awkward...what if they don't like the way I look or what if everyone else looks better than me?? These are the type of thoughts that have been swirling around in my head.
I've gotta get my mind right! I can't let my insecurity hold me back, and I won't let my fear paralyze me. I won't let my negative thoughts take over. I have to believe in myself and have confidence. I have prepared for this, I have put in the work, and I look as good as I can for my body type....everything else is out of my control! You only grow stronger by facing your fears, not backing down from them. Most importantly, I know that God is with me and that every opportunity given me is from Him. If He brings me to it, He'll bring me through it. All for His glory!
"Success in every aspect of life begins with a thought; so does failure. If you think you cannot do or attain something, chances are you won't be able to. Your mind has that much influence over your life." -Joyce Meyer