We had an easy, relaxing week last week as he recovered, even though we were anxious to get the pathology results back. I did go in to work, since Matt's parents were here to be with Matt, which really helped.
I tried really hard last week not to think about the results but to just live in the moment and take it one day at a time, not worrying or thinking too much about what was to come. I wasn't always successful at that, but one thing that helped was that I made a focused effort to live in the present, enjoy every moment, and to be thankful for each day's blessings. Things like:
Getting in a workout at the gym...
Or at home in the front yard...
Taking a walk through the park...
And walking our boy...
These things may seem like nothing...just normal, day to day, mundane things to most. But to me, they're blessings. I've always been one to be thankful and to live in the moment as much as I can, but when dealing with something like this...you savor these moments even more. I'm just so thankful that we got the MRI scheduled sooner and that we caught this thing before it was too late.
Well, the day finally came to meet with the doctors and find out the test results. They confirmed what we had originally been told that first night in the hospital-that the tumor is a Grade IV glioblastoma multiforme(GBM).
Even though I was somewhat prepared for this, it was obviously not what we wanted to hear. We were hoping and praying that it would NOT be this. This type of tumor is very aggressive and complicated ...and just to put it bluntly, the prognosis is usually not good.
The next step from here is to target the remaining tumor on the brain stem, so Matt will most likely be doing radiation in the next week or so. He has one more test on Friday, which will determine if he needs chemotherapy or just the radiation.
Needless to say, the past couple of days have been emotionally exhausting for Matt and I. This is the kind of news that turns your world upside down, that you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy. I still feel like everything has happened so quickly that I'm almost in a state of shock. Like, this really can't be happening. Surely, I'm going to wake up and realize that this was all just a nightmare...
Right now my emotions fluctuate from hour to hour, minute to minute. One minute I'm fine, the next I'm not. At this point, I've realized that I can't let myself think too far ahead, because that is when the panic and the bad thoughts come.The only way I can cope is to just live in the present moment and take it one day at a time. That's all I can do.
And pray some more.
This is not something anyone wants to go through-it's not what I want to go through, and it's not what I want to see my husband go through. But I will cling to my faith in my God, who I know is good, who I know is loving and faithful, who I know is powerful and mighty and strong-stronger than cancer, and who I know can work miracles. We're going to put our complete hope and trust in Him.
I know that His grace and strength will get us through this, one day at a time.