Thinking Out Loud...

I don't want people to admire me.

I am not worthy of admiration. I am selfish, I am prideful, I am vain, I am judgmental, I am fearful. Anything that is good about me is only because of Jesus in me.

If you want to admire someone, admire Jesus, the One who has done this transforming work in me; the One who gives me the strength I have; the One who gave His life up to give me(and all of us) hope and joy and peace.

HE is the only one who is worthy of admiration and praise. So please, look at Him, don't look at me.

I am human, y'all. You may see someone who always appears to be strong...but while I trust God and have complete faith in Him and His goodness, I do have moments of doubt and fear. I have times when I can't hold it together, when I break down, when I fear the worst. I am not always strong.

Yes, sometimes my thoughts wander and my mind goes to bad places...and that's when the fear and panic creeps in, when I think too far ahead. I have to constantly remind myself to just live in the present moment, not worry about what tomorrow will bring, focus on the good, and trust in God's grace to get me through another day.

I also know that it's okay and that's it's normal to have those bad moments, just as long as I don't dwell on those thoughts and let them consume me. I know that it's good to release it and not to hold it all in, so that's what I do. I let it out, I cry if I need to...and then I let it go. I release it to God. I turn my thoughts to Him and remind myself of His truths and His promises. The only way to do that is to read His Word, meditate on scripture, and stay in constant communion with Him all throughout the day.

I do keep a journal, as it has always been therapeutic for me to write out my thoughts. I'm not big on talking to people about my feelings and emotions...I'd much rather write them on the internet for people to read. ;)  I also write down scriptures that encourage and speak to me, so that I can go back to them when I need to be reminded of God's truths.

No matter how my feelings and emotions fluctuate from day to day, or even moment to moment, one thing I know for sure is this: every day may not be great....but God is great every day.


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