Tomorrow is your birthday, but as you would say, it's your birthday week, so Happy Birthday Week, my love!
How I wish we were going out for pizza this weekend. I wish I were making you your favorite pumpkin cake with the cream cheese frosting that you loved.
I miss you.
I miss you more than I can even put into words, and more than I feel anyone could possibly ever understand. You were so good to me, and I was loved, so loved. For 12 years, I was so happy and so content and SO loved, and it was all because of you. You were everything good in my life.
I would give anything to have you back, to have our life back. People are probably tired of my talking about you and posting pictures of you, but they'll have to get over it.
It's been a bit of a struggle lately, living this life without you, missing you so much. It's bizarre, that's for sure. I never could have imagined that I would be living in a world without you in it. It's a strange and dull place here, without your light, without your smile.
I know I always used to tell you that I would have to die before you did, because I wouldn't be able to survive without you. But I want you to know that I am. I'm doing it. By the grace of God, I am still here, still here living life, even with this huge hole in my heart, even though I don't feel that I am me without you, even though a part of my soul died with you.
But I'm doing the best I can, for you. For you, I'm trying to be brave and strong. For you, I will keep fighting.
You are and will forever be a part of me. You're my everything and everything. I love you.
*LFL*
How I wish we were going out for pizza this weekend. I wish I were making you your favorite pumpkin cake with the cream cheese frosting that you loved.
I miss you more than I can even put into words, and more than I feel anyone could possibly ever understand. You were so good to me, and I was loved, so loved. For 12 years, I was so happy and so content and SO loved, and it was all because of you. You were everything good in my life.
I would give anything to have you back, to have our life back. People are probably tired of my talking about you and posting pictures of you, but they'll have to get over it.
It's been a bit of a struggle lately, living this life without you, missing you so much. It's bizarre, that's for sure. I never could have imagined that I would be living in a world without you in it. It's a strange and dull place here, without your light, without your smile.
I know I always used to tell you that I would have to die before you did, because I wouldn't be able to survive without you. But I want you to know that I am. I'm doing it. By the grace of God, I am still here, still here living life, even with this huge hole in my heart, even though I don't feel that I am me without you, even though a part of my soul died with you.
But I'm doing the best I can, for you. For you, I'm trying to be brave and strong. For you, I will keep fighting.
You are and will forever be a part of me. You're my everything and everything. I love you.
*LFL*
Please,do not feel like talking about Matt and posting pictures of him is annoying people! You love Matt and the people who are in your orbit and were in his care about you and perserving his memory. It's so important. I mentioned on FB the thing about "There's no such thing as being too nice." and I remember making that comment one time and it was a small handful of people who told me,"Don't change how you interact with people." One of those people who encouraged me to approach interacting with people the same way was Matt. With my anxiety it's very hard for me to crack that shell and I use chatter to just sort of get around it so one day at work I got told,"You talk too much and you're annoying." It was just a totally random comment I made. I can't even remember what started it but one of the things Matt said was,"Don't feel bad about being who you are." So,I just want you to know that every time you post a picture or say something about Matt you are,at least personally,not annoying me. I'm reminded of him taking just sa second to say something to someone he didn't know very well and just that one comment cheered me up alot. I just want to tell you that I really enjoy seeing pictures of Matt or the stories you tell about him because it just makes me smile. He didn't have to take that second to do that but I'm very grateful he did and you posting those pictures,or telling a Matt story,remind me that the people we care for are kept alive in our hearts by the memories they created and the things they did to help others. (I hope this comment doesn't upset you more but I just want you to know that anyone who has a problem with you posting all the pictures of Matt and sharing his legacy is NOT annoying at all....EVER!)
ReplyDeleteI would agree with the comment above. It's not annoying or frustrating listening to your stories of Matt, or letting us know that you miss him. Every time I see a post about it, it reminds me to pray for you. I also know that it's what you need to do as you mourn and adapt to this new 'normal'.
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