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Thoughts

I'm not the same person I was 4 and a 1/2 years ago. 

I feel like I have experienced more in these last years than I have in my whole life. 

I wish that this version of me could talk to Matt. I would LOVE to talk to him, get his wisdom and insight on things. I miss that terribly. Matt just seemed to know everything and always have the best wisdom and advice to give. 

Losing Matt isn't just something that happened to me in my past and then I just move on and think about it here and there. No-it forever changed me. You don't lose your HUSBAND, your whole LIFE, and come out unscathed. 

I think about him all the time. I see reminders of him everywhere, daily. And while I can be happy with my life now, grief and sadness are forever companions that visit, sometimes more often than others. 

Matt shaped who I was for the 14 years that I knew him. I was truly the most happy, peaceful and content I've ever been in my life.

And losing him has changed and shaped me. Grief has changed me. 

I could never not talk about Matt. I don't want to feel like I can't talk about him. He may be a part of my past, but he is in my present and my future as well. He's in my every day, even if it's just a passing thought. And he's in my future-because I know that one day I'll see him again.

So I go on living my life, but Matt...dear, sweet, Matt...he is always there, and I wouldn't want it any other way.



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