Lindsay's Ramblings

I don't want people to admire me. I am not worthy of admiration. I am selfish, I am prideful, I am vain, I am judgmental, I am fearful. Anything that is good about me is only because of Jesus in me. If you want to admire someone, admire Jesus, the One who has done this transforming work in me; the One who gives me the strength I have; the One who gave His life up to give me(and all of us) hope and joy and peace. HE is the only one who is worthy of admiration and praise . So please, look at Him, don't look at me. I am human, y'all. You may see someone who always appears to be strong...but while I trust God and have complete faith in Him and His goodness, I do have moments of doubt and fear. I have times when I can't hold it together, when I break down, when I fear the worst. I am not always strong. Yes, sometimes my thoughts wander and my mind goes to bad places...and that's when the fear and panic creeps in, when I think too far ahead. I have to constantl...

I thought I'd share an update with you guys about how everything has been going lately with Matt. He's still doing well, getting in his workouts every other day and doing physical therapy. We went out Saturday to try a new pizza place that he's been wanting to try since the day after his surgery three weeks ago! He was on steroids for a couple of weeks after surgery and was told to watch his carbs, which is why we had to wait so long. It was worth the wait! So for the last couple of weeks we have been meeting with different doctors to figure out what the treatment plan will be for Matt moving forward. He had a spinal tap done last Friday, which came back negative for cancer cells in the spinal fluid, which is a great thing! We were very relieved to hear that.  We then talked with the radiation doctor and the oncologist at Norton Hospital last Monday. We were given some options as far as what they thought would be best, which was to go with radiation and then o...

It's been 2 weeks Matt's brain surgery. He's been doing great and has recovered exceptionally well from the surgery. We had an easy, relaxing week last week as he recovered, even though we were anxious to get the pathology results back. I did go in to work, since Matt's parents were here to be with Matt, which really helped. I tried really hard last week not to think about the results but to just live in the moment and take it one day at a time, not worrying or thinking too much about what was to come. I wasn't always successful at that, but one thing that helped was that I made a focused effort to live in the present, enjoy every moment, and to be thankful for each day's blessings. Things like: Getting in a workout at the gym... Or at home in the front yard... Enjoying some relaxing pool time... Taking a walk through the park... A ride in the Jeep(after he was cleared to drive, of course)... And walking our boy...  These thi...

One week ago today I heard the four words I hoped I would never hear again: "My tumor came back." Since Matt's brain surgery 10 years ago, he gets MRIs about once a year. He had one back in February, which we were told was completely clear, and his next one was scheduled for July. A couple weeks ago, he began experiencing daily headaches, fatigue, and loss of balance. We attributed these symptoms to side effects from some seizure medications he was taking, as well as withdrawals from a medication he was taking for Parkinsonism-type symptoms. But after a few days of the headaches, we decided it would be best to get the MRI done sooner than it was scheduled. The MRI was moved up to last Tuesday morning, and a few hours later he called me with the results-the tumor had returned. He was at work at the time and was told to go immediately to the hospital. His boss took him there, and I met them there later after I got the call from Matt. When I hung up the phone with M...