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I'm Still Here!

Hiiii y'all!
It's been a while since I've written a blog, so I thought I'd pop in with some thoughts and a life update. Trust me, I've still  had a lot on my mind to write about, I just felt it was getting repetitive and that after a while people get tired of hearing it. I think that's why so many people after a couple of years stop talking about their grief...so people think they're okay and "over it", when they have NO idea that is SO not the case. Not at all.

Yes, I have a boyfriend, and him and his kids make me happy. But Matt is still on my mind 24/7. I miss him. I don't have the huge meltdowns I used to have where I wanted God to just take me Home, but I still have my moments. Honestly, if I didn't have Damon and his kids, it would probably be a lot worse. I've been spending a lot more time with them lately, since December. The holidays were great. I love hanging with the kids, playing games, throwing football outside, going to the park, doing crafts, etc.



I never thought I'd ever be in this situation...but here I am! I'm just trying to make the best of it.

Okayyy, so now let's talk about this Corona Virus! Like, what in the world is happening right now?? I got laid off from my job at the salon til who knows when, and since gyms are closed I am not doing any personal training. SOOO just like most everyone else who doesn't have a job right now, I have had a LOT of free time on my hands. I haven't had this much free time since before Matt got sick in 2017- I almost forgot what it feels like  to actually have time to get things done! I literally have been going NON-STOP the last year and a half. So this has actually been quite refreshing for me.

I know this is a serious thing, and I get people's concerns and fears, but I have been so calm in this. I truly think it's because this is how I've been living for the last 20 months-feeling like I was living in this strange land where nothing felt right...the uncertainty of the future...the anxiety and fear...the living just one day at a time....yeah, that's nothing new for me and my fellow widows. I had my whole world shattered into a million pieces already, so this hardly fazes me.

I may be the exception, but this has been good for my soul. Taking the time to slow down, to rest...I didn't even realize how badly I needed this. I feel it actually is an answered prayer. After Matt died, the smallest things would cause me to freak out, because he wasn't here to help me...but God has given me such a peace in this so far. And for that, I am thankful. I'm thankful for the down time, for the peace I feel, and for a God who gives me the assurance that ultimately everything will be okay.

As far as what I've been doing this last week and a half of being off work...the first couple days I cleaned my entire house, which was desperately needed. The weather was decent a few days last week, so I went to the park a few times and walked and read a book in the woods. It was so relaxing and refreshing. Thankfully, I have some equipment at home, so I've been able to get in some workouts. So yeah, it's actually been pretty nice. Once things get back to normal, I definitely have to work on better time management so I can have more down time and time to just chill and relax like this and get things done.

What have you guys been  up to? Are you still working? What are you doing with the extra time at home if not?


Comments


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